Monday, 15 September 2008

a bit rough round the edges...

Monday 15th September 2008
it's strange the way i feel when i go to Kuta...i mean, Kuta is the Bali capital of 'sensory overloaded-ness'! when i go there, i lose track of conversations i'm having right in the midst of them, i forget where i'm going, i lose my way...it's incredible! it's like being put in a different country, world, whatever. so generally when i go it is with determined purpose. and it was so over the weekend...i went to get something that i have been wanting for a long time...something that signifies to me everything that i am and who i want to be and the way i want to live my life...with hair flapping wildly in the wind, at the helm of the ship, steering in the direction i wanna go, in search of adventure. for indeed underneath that calm, quiet exterior that you think might be me, there is a raging, stormy sea...twisting and turning, always moving, never still, that is the core of who i am.
'not all those who wander are lost' is a favourite quote of mine from J.R.R.Tolkien. why?...i'm so tired of the ridicule that one receives for not wanting to stay in one place, not wanting to have the car and condo and whatever else makes up the pre-requisites for the 'right' kind of life. i abhor belongings...i abhor a life cluttered with 'things' and 'items' that ultimately we will never bring with us. i have left a path of me across the planet, from the strands of my hair to the shoes i have worn, the books i have read to the clothes i have placed upon my back. as quickly as i receive something i can let it go...it terrifies me but yet pleases me that i am not held back by the very things that can often destroy you and prevent you from taking your life where you want it to go. i am probably happiest with a bag of necessities and a sense of adventure. and perhaps when the time is right, whenever that may be, i will drop the anchor, and make for shore...but that time is not now. for now, i'm all at sea...
so yes, i choose to wander but no, i am not lost. yes, i am a little rough around the edges, but that's what gives the texture to my very being. and now, the emblem for that i take with me wherever i go, forever emblazoned upon me. i am a child of the universe. i am me...
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